​Asking this way takes your focus off the negative or the problem and gets you thinking about the solution. Because, as we all know, for every problem, there IS a solution.

This question opens up your right brain where creativity lies. You think outside the box and come up with… well, you guessed it. What's possible.

I'll give you a couple of examples.

We are nearing the end of a kitchen renovation. Yesterday, my plumber turned to me and said, "I don't think this is going to work," referring to installing a garbage disposal.  I didn't even get to ask, "What's wrong?".

Instead, he launched into all the reasons why NOT and that this is not an issue in newer construction. I then asked him the magic question. "What's possible?" , knowing full well that there are older homes equipped with garbage disposals.

He talked about redoing the pipes and having to go through the family room wall, which, OF COURSE, we recently had painted. Today, we have a garbage disposal (and yes, a hole in the wall, but we'll deal with that later).

This advice works on more than just plumbers! 

I have a parent who is in a nursing home. I learned that asking, "How are you?" rarely ends well. It is as if I have asked, "What's wrong?".

I needed to come up with a better question and not become a repository for complaints.
So today, I asked, "What's possible?" and thoroughly confused him. So I repeated it, explaining that I wondered what he thought could be possible today. He needed further clarification, so I offered:

• "Is a smile possible?" "Sure."
• "Is hearing I love you possible?" "I guess." I told him.
• "Is giving a compliment possible?" "Maybe." I promised it would make him feel good too. I encouraged him to give it to any of his many caregivers who have infinite amounts of patience and compassion. I'll follow up on this one tomorrow!

I didn't hear complaints. In fact, he followed up with, "What's new with the kids?" instead of, "Is everything ok with the kids?"

Hear the difference? 

It amazes me that this simple question can turn a roadblock into a creative solution, a negative mindset into a curious and optimistic one, and a dead-end conversation into an open-ended one.
Do you know what else it brings? Clarity.

When you are mired in a problem, that's all you see. You lack the clarity to see possibilities because you are essentially looking through a window that hasn't seen a squeegee in decades. All you see is dirt, dust, and pollen.

When you are open to what's possible, it's like wiping away years of grime off that glass. Then, slowly but surely, you see the view on the other side of that window pane instead of the grime.

If seeing beyond your current circumstances is challenging, you are not alone.  

"What's wrong" can leave you feeling disempowered and limited.

In our upcoming Writing for Clarity workshop on Sunday, March 26th, we teach you how to take the existing contrast in your life, turn it on its head, and use it to invite in those creative possibilities. 

​Love,
Carolyn

Now you can’t start celebrating all the other superwomen in your life until you recognize that YOU are pretty damn special too.  Self-love is a critical muscle to develop and flex!  It’s like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first, charging yourself up, and then you have more love to share.

Celebrating yourself may feel weird but it is empowering.  And you are setting the example for other women and future generations that it’s ok to openly acknowledge how special you are. If you’ve never done mirror work before, it can feel super weird.  As a symbol of truth and clarity, mirrors are one of the simplest and most direct way to self actualization. So grab a mirror, look into those gorgeous peepers of yours, and say:

“ What I love about myself is…..”

If this is too weird for you, you can also use your cell phone in selfie mode. And if you start to pick yourself apart, tell your inner judge to take a hike. Your response could reflect a physical trait or otherwise.  Better yet, it can be both!  The key is to lock eyes with yourself and mean what you say. For example:  I love that I’m a good listener and have great skin! 

Need more inspiration?  Check out these awesome kids in this inspiring Upworthy Reel.

When you can fully love and accept yourself AS IS, your love and acceptance of others know no bounds.

And the more you do this, the less weird it feels, and the more loving, accepting, and confident you become.  I guess there is some truth to fairy tales because mirrors are truly magical!  

​Lots of love,
Carolyn