I bet you are familiar with the proverb: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
Well, I think that's not always true. When something is not right for you, the absence of it will only make you happier. You won’t miss it. If anything, you'll feel relief.
When that same person or circumstance comes creeping back into your life, your heart will not say, “Oh how I’ve missed you!”
Instead, it will scream:
“Oh no you don’t, Honey! We are not going down this path AGAIN. Remember how much it sucked the first time?! How good has your life been without it? EXACTLY! Say No. Walk away. You know you deserve better.”
I love my heart! She never steers me wrong. Plus, in my head, she sounds like Lizzo.
There was a circumstance in my professional life that I cannot believe I had tolerated for YEARS! And then thanks to a 2-year gap, I didn’t have to.*
Until today. And let me tell you, I didn’t miss it one bit.
So, I walked out. #channelingmyinnernormarae
Not out of my job per se, but out of the situation. And until a solution is implemented, I will continue to work in an alternate setting.
It took the absence of and then subsequent recurrence for me to recognize that it is not okay for me to work under this particular condition. Honestly, that blows my mind! I shake my head at this. I can’t believe I ever let the fear of jeopardizing my job or taking a stand for myself get in the way of my well-being at work.
But here is what I've learned and what I want you to consider if you ever find yourself in a similar situation:
Not believing in your own innate worthiness can lead to settling for far less than you deserve.
It may not seem like a big deal in the moment, but over time, your actions, or lack thereof, teach others how to treat YOU. As time goes on, a repeated circumstance, or issue eventually just becomes the norm that you simply tolerate. It could be at home, at work, or within your personal relationships.
Growing up as an introverted, people-pleasing daughter, taking a stand did not exactly rank high on my list of character traits. But now I’ve come to realize that many of the pervasive stressors in my life are a result of tolerating something or someone that treated me in a manner that left me feeling as less than.
The email I sent regarding this matter left no room for negotiation. I made it clear that I can carry out my responsibilities sitting elsewhere and will continue to do so until the situation is remedied.
Plain and simple. Not a single question mark, apology, or “please” to be found in there.
Here was the response:
“I was just talking to John Doe about this. I do not blame you for moving to the other office. I am meeting with Jane Doe this afternoon to discuss.”
Wow! I am grateful for the prompt response and feel heard and acknowledged.
I am also aware that there is no promise of anything in there. But that’s okay! Because I stood up for myself. I trust that a solution will come whether it’s in that office, a new one, or in a different place of employment altogether because the Universe always has my back.
So in this case, absence only made me realize my own value. I've had a different norm that I like and intend to keep or change ONLY for something better. Absence made me BOLDER. Bold enough to recognize that I DO have choices. And today, I chose to value myself.
Is there something in your life that you find yourself consistently tolerating? If so, I invite you to imagine yourself without it.
This conscious, gentle guiding of your thoughts in the general direction away from the things you put up with and toward the things that you desire, will give you a preview of what your life could be.
You deserve that vision. We all do.
YOU are the creator of your life. Not a victim of circumstance.
If you allow yourself to revisit that vision enough, you will come to believe in it. And ultimately, in yourself.
If you would like more guidance or help, We teach a practice that we teach called Writing for Clarity. It uses the contrast in your current reality to gain clarity and to bring more of what YOU want into your life. Think of it as shining a spotlight on your goals and then actualizing your dreams.
Love,
Carolyn
Well, I think that's not always true. When something is not right for you, the absence of it will only make you happier. You won’t miss it. If anything, you'll feel relief.
When that same person or circumstance comes creeping back into your life, your heart will not say, “Oh how I’ve missed you!”
Instead, it will scream:
“Oh no you don’t, Honey! We are not going down this path AGAIN. Remember how much it sucked the first time?! How good has your life been without it? EXACTLY! Say No. Walk away. You know you deserve better.”
I love my heart! She never steers me wrong. Plus, in my head, she sounds like Lizzo.
There was a circumstance in my professional life that I cannot believe I had tolerated for YEARS! And then thanks to a 2-year gap, I didn’t have to.*
Until today. And let me tell you, I didn’t miss it one bit.
So, I walked out. #channelingmyinnernormarae
Not out of my job per se, but out of the situation. And until a solution is implemented, I will continue to work in an alternate setting.
It took the absence of and then subsequent recurrence for me to recognize that it is not okay for me to work under this particular condition. Honestly, that blows my mind! I shake my head at this. I can’t believe I ever let the fear of jeopardizing my job or taking a stand for myself get in the way of my well-being at work.
But here is what I've learned and what I want you to consider if you ever find yourself in a similar situation:
Not believing in your own innate worthiness can lead to settling for far less than you deserve.
It may not seem like a big deal in the moment, but over time, your actions, or lack thereof, teach others how to treat YOU. As time goes on, a repeated circumstance, or issue eventually just becomes the norm that you simply tolerate. It could be at home, at work, or within your personal relationships.
Growing up as an introverted, people-pleasing daughter, taking a stand did not exactly rank high on my list of character traits. But now I’ve come to realize that many of the pervasive stressors in my life are a result of tolerating something or someone that treated me in a manner that left me feeling as less than.
The email I sent regarding this matter left no room for negotiation. I made it clear that I can carry out my responsibilities sitting elsewhere and will continue to do so until the situation is remedied.
Plain and simple. Not a single question mark, apology, or “please” to be found in there.
Here was the response:
“I was just talking to John Doe about this. I do not blame you for moving to the other office. I am meeting with Jane Doe this afternoon to discuss.”
Wow! I am grateful for the prompt response and feel heard and acknowledged.
I am also aware that there is no promise of anything in there. But that’s okay! Because I stood up for myself. I trust that a solution will come whether it’s in that office, a new one, or in a different place of employment altogether because the Universe always has my back.
So in this case, absence only made me realize my own value. I've had a different norm that I like and intend to keep or change ONLY for something better. Absence made me BOLDER. Bold enough to recognize that I DO have choices. And today, I chose to value myself.
Is there something in your life that you find yourself consistently tolerating? If so, I invite you to imagine yourself without it.
- What would your day/life/relationship look like?
- How would it feel?
- How would your demeanor change? Your interactions with others?
This conscious, gentle guiding of your thoughts in the general direction away from the things you put up with and toward the things that you desire, will give you a preview of what your life could be.
You deserve that vision. We all do.
YOU are the creator of your life. Not a victim of circumstance.
If you allow yourself to revisit that vision enough, you will come to believe in it. And ultimately, in yourself.
If you would like more guidance or help, We teach a practice that we teach called Writing for Clarity. It uses the contrast in your current reality to gain clarity and to bring more of what YOU want into your life. Think of it as shining a spotlight on your goals and then actualizing your dreams.
Love,
Carolyn