Today, self-care is SUCH a buzzword, yet finding the time to actually prioritize yourself in this busy world falls by the wayside.

Learning how to prioritize yourself goes beyond self-care. It requires a deep reprogramming because many of us were raised to be people-pleasers. 

How about we make ourselves the #1 person we need to please? 

This is not to say we don’t show up for others.  This is not an either or scenario.  It just means we put ourselves first so that we can be happy AND show up for our loved ones without feeling depleted.  

Trust us, being a little selfish  will be worth it not only for you, but for your loved ones. 

Don’t believe us?  Here are 7 reasons why being “selfish” leads to more stability, joy, and fulfillment.

1. You teach others (i.e. spouse, family, colleagues) how to treat YOU by how you treat yourself.
People who prioritize their own wellbeing will naturally command that respect from others. They will come to learn and know what is important to you and honor it.  

2. You teach others (i.e. spouse, family, your children, colleagues) how to treat THEMSELVES by how you treat yourself. 
Be a good role model and show them how it’s done.  Martyrdom does not lead to happiness or fulfillment.  Do you really want that for your friends and family?

3. You’ve heard us say this over and over again but it bears repeating — “you cannot pour from an empty vessel’.
When you’re emotionally spent there’s no way you show up mentally, physically, or emotionally for another. You’ve got to fill your own cup first!

4. You’re more emotionally and unconditionally stable. 
This means you don’t need a particular set of circumstances or for people to behave in a certain way for you to be okay.  

Here is a powerful thought: The second you require others or circumstances to change for you is the second you hand over control of your life. 

Yikes!  If you strengthen who you are and what’s important to you, life’s upsets will just be little hiccups, not catastrophes.

5. You learn to love and accept who you are rather than who you “should” be.
This may come more easily with age but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive toward this today and every day.  When shoulds are involved, it usually involves falling short of an expectation.  You are setting yourself up for failure.  Kick the shoulds to the curb and BE YOU. 

6. Indulging your soul becomes a lifestyle, not something you scramble to do when you are depleted.
Regularly carving out time to do the activities you love, hang with your favorite peeps, seek inspiration, etc. become preventive care as opposed to trips to urgent care, so to speak.  

7. The more authentically YOU you are, the more you attract the right people, relationships, and circumstances into your life. 
So what if you’re quirky? Embrace it. Own it.  Celebrate it.  Need inspiration?  Read Molly Shannon’s memoir: Hello, Molly!

8. More importantly, when others take issue with you or things don’t go your way, you don’t take it so personally.
Rise above it all and tomorrow is a new day.  It’s not your job to make others happy or to fix everything.  Your job is YOU.

Remember sweet friend, when you succeed FIRST, the people and things you care about flourish.


Selfishly yours, 
Carolyn

Hallo Herd Sis,

It's not a typo - that’s dutch for Hello.  I’m recently back from a quick but amazing trip to Amsterdam.  

To be honest, this trip was booked on a bit of a whim.  My partner and I decided to make it happen one weekend morning and as the date approached, we booked all the arrangements including lining up care for our kids.

We hadn't been away together alone in ages and certainly not outside the country.

Seriously, we never do anything like this.  It felt so indulgent but we came back feeling renewed and recharged.

Leading up to it, however, I felt guilt, stressed, and worried.  I had all those "What Ifs" floating through my mind. 

I kid you not, I was considering canceling even as I boarded the plane!  It felt so wrong to be doing something solely for our pleasure. 

Seriously, how effed up is that?!

Thankfully, everyone survived (including me) and apparently, the world does not depend on me for survival.  

In addition to renewing me, this little getaway taught me that I need some reprogramming when it comes to my own selfcare.

Can you relate at all? 

​I mean, do I have to wait to be an empty-nesting, retiree before I can finally do things for my own pleasure?  I know that sounds ridiculous but the strong-willed, judgy-ass voice in my head seems to feel otherwise.

Here is a novel thought:  How about prioritizing and scheduling what is important to US?

Not what others expect.  What matters most to YOU and me.

This could mean:

• regularly fitting in non-negotiable time for working out going on hikes
• scheduling date nights and meeting up with friends
• signing up for tango lessons
• going back to school or changing jobs altogether

It could also mean getting on a plane and crossing an ocean to have an adventure with your partner.

Remember, we need to fill our own cups first so that we can show up wholeheartedly for others without resentment or sacrificing our own wellbeing or happiness.  We are worthy too!!! 

There are no medals for martyrdom.   

Life is today.

Not when the kids are older.  Not when we retire.  NOW.

With so much love,
​Carolyn

Hiya Herd Sis,

I want to talk to you about getting out of your comfort zone.

Sometimes that means learning a new task or skill, going to a party when it’s more comforting to stay home with a good book, or embarking on a new career or creative endeavor.

In this particular case, it’s about, getting out of your surroundings.

Just a few days ago over high tea (When in Rome, People! Or in this case, London.), my eldest turned me to me and said, "Thank you for getting me to go this trip.  I didn't realize how badly I needed to just get away for a bit."  

Sometimes, we are so entrenched in our day-to-day that we don’t realize that we just need a break from it all.  
​
I, in turn, thanked her for getting me outside my comfort zone.  It wasn’t an easy decision to allow her to attend college abroad.  I hadn’t flown overseas in over 15 years and admittedly , I was nervous.  I kept having to remind myself that, once upon a time, I did this with ease AND without a smart phone!

This last-minute, against-all-odds trip got us both outside of our environments and comfort zones; something we both desperately needed.  She initially balked due to a looming project and work.  And I nearly canceled due to a sick pet.  

In the days and moments leading up to the decision to go or not, it just seemed easier to each of us to tend to our home needs.  To stay entrenched in our routines.

What changed?  Well, couple of things:

• I had loads of encouragement and support from my better half.  In fact, he asked me, what do you really want to do?  Without hesitation, I answered, "See my girl."
• I’m also trying to leap more as its my word of the year.  Honestly, if not now, then when?!  There will always be work.  There will never be an ideal time to just slip away. 

You see, sometimes our comfort zones aren't so comforting.  They are just familiar routines that keep us where we are. 

If we stay where we are, nothing will change and that includes us.  There is no room for growth, opportunities, or awe in our comfort zones.

This trip was a leap out of my comfort zone.  The first of many.

Getting out of dodge not only brought my daughter and I together for a few days, it gave us new perspective and appreciation for taking a break.

Friends, do yourself a favor and give yourselves the break you deserve and need.  You don't have to jump the pond to do it either!

• Take a mental health day and ask yourself, "What do I want today?"  There are no wrong answers!  Just honor your desires.
• If you are one to sit at your desk for lunch, take yourself out!  Step away from your desk and piles.  Even if it's just for a walk.
• Say no to obligations more and say yes to things, people, and activities that bring you joy.

Please share with us in the comments below, all the ways you are getting out of your comfort zone. You know you'll always find all the support you need in the Herd!

Cheers,
Carolyn